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MOEBIUS MUSINGS
                              by Kevin Smant
 

This is a somewhat longer Musings column than usual, but I've been
thinking of a lot of things lately!  And I'm kind of combining a couple
of things I've written.   My best to all those in the Moebius community,
and I wish you all a Happy New Year to 2005...and now, forward!
**************

First, on the holidays just past:

A columnist for a major newspaper wrote something sad a few weeks back.
She said that she "can't stand Christmas";  it seems that it had to do
with 1] excessive "consumerism"; 2] bad memories of being "snapped" at
during the run up to Christmas dinner in her childhood; 3] the fact that
old boyfriends probably still have the presents she gave them during
Christmases past, except those men are now with other women; and 4]
others in her family like Christmas a whole lot, and that irritated the
writer, a whole lot, because she doesn't.  It's almost like she is angry
that others are happy, while she isn't.

Ah.  So sad.  And her column was especially sad for me.  Because, you
see, I like the holidays, as maybe you remember from past musings
columns.  A whole lot!

I admit it.  I'm a sap.  I like the Yuletide season, the whole bit.  I'm
the type of guy who found funny, amusing, make-one-happy smiling
Christmas snow clown decorations a couple of years ago, hung them on the
walls of my office and home, and leave them up--year-round!

When Christmas was here, I had out my whole collection of Christmas CDs,
and played them regularly in my office (Mannheim Steamroller, by the
way, does awesome holiday music).  I collect Christmas movies and
cartoons on video and DVD.  I got a mint condition copy of "Frosty the
Snowman" and "The Grinch" last year.  (Quick, now:  what are the first
words out of Frosty's mouth when he comes to life?  If you said: "happy
birthday"--you're right!)

I listened to the all-Christmas-music radio stations.

I watched, a time or two, "Scrooge" and (of course!) "It's A Wonderful
Life" on video.

I love to buy Christmas presents and give away goodies to my friends
when the big day approaches. (and anyway, we can never eat enough
Christmas candy.)

I like to go look at peoples' Christmas light decorations.

But beyond that, the thing is, I think it's wrong to think that
Christmas is annoying.  It isn't!  It shouldn't make you scream.
Rather, it can be a wonderful thing!  It can lead people to help others,
to give more to charity, to perform, yes (borrowing the old line)
"random acts of human kindness."

Just look at what I found in the national news, all in one day in
December, for example:

Sometimes good things happen to good people.  In California, a woman who
had made it her crusade to help abandoned babies and, for those who
perished, to make sure they received a proper burial, won the California
lottery.  She will receive over $27 million dollars, and much of it--you
guessed it--she will invest in her crusade, so she can do more and keep
helping abandoned children.

In Missouri, an anonymous tipster, who provided information that helped
lead to an arrest in a murder case, turned down the $40,000 in reward
money due him--and asked that it go to charity instead.

Not far from where I live, in Elkhart, Indiana, a family whose house
burned down received help from people they don't even know--food,
clothing, and other items.  One family donated over $60 in baby items,
and a small Christmas tree.

In Geneva, Illinois, a man decorated his home with over 50,000 Christmas
lights.  What a treat that must be for sight-seers!

Meanwhile, in Washington D.C., the actor Bruce Willis, who certainly
could have found other things to do, appeared at a press conference to
support a new inner-city program called Fostering the Future, which will
seek to provide scholarships to help foster children.  Willis said it
was a way for him to "serve his country."

In Detroit, a regular feature of one of that city's newspapers, the
Detroit News, is its' "Helping Hands" section, in which readers are
encouraged to help needy, deserving individuals and families.

I think Christmas helps encourage this kind of thing.

Not to mention the fact that Santa helps encourage children to be good,
so that he will visit them on Christmas Eve.

And it does my somewhat-libertarian heart good to see that so much of
this do-gooding is done voluntarily; it's done not because someone or
something is making you do it--it's done because you choose to do it,
encouraged by the season.

Man, what's wrong with that?  And isn't that the best kind of
do-gooding?
We who have Moebius Syndrome can appreciate more than most how nice it
is to have persons do good for you, not because they have to, but
because they want to; who are your friend, not because they feel an
obligation to someone they wrongly see as "handicapped", but because
they want to be.

Pass the eggnog and keep the chestnuts roasting by that open fire,
January or no!
*    * * * * * * * * * * * * *

But we're not done.  The holidays and their aftermath raise many
questions.  For example, what about this?

"Love is the only rational act."-Morrie Schwartz


What does that mean?  I always wondered about it, although of course it
sure sounded good.

Those words came from a former professor of philosophy who was dying of
Lou Gehrig's disease, but who remained happy and full of life until the
end.

How?  Well, he tried to explain how, to Mitch Albom, one of his former
students, now a journalist who'd come back to be with his old professor.
That led to Mitch writing the book TUESDAYS WITH MORRIE, from which came
the above quote.

Morrie said one way to be happy and to have a good life is to love
others.

At this time of year, holiday time (and even afterwards) people speak a
lot about love, peace, good will towards men.

Morrie's words fit right in.

Well, yes, but...it's not that easy, is it?

I mean, sure, at this time of year, people speak a lot about their love
for each other.  For those people lucky enough to have someone special
to love, therefore, it's a wonderful time of year.

But maybe some people wonder if love is really out there for them.  If
love really exists at all.

I mean, what does it really mean to love someone?  It's something I've
been thinking about over the past few months. 

Because...well...you need to meet Lisa.  Lisa Erickson.  She's part of
our Moebius community too.  And I'm going to marry her in a few months!
She makes my life complete.

I don't think it's possible to create a short, compact, one size fits
all definition of love.  But...seems to me,...with her help, to define
love would mean to say, for me:

To love someone is to think about that person, a lot.  She's never far
from your mind.

You might say your life centers around her.  You'll see something and
think, wow; what would she think of that?

To love someone is to want to -give- to that person; and you don't worry
about what you receive in return.  Instead, to give to her, whatever it
is, is the most wonderful feeling.

To love someone means to want to take care of her-and to let her take
care of you, too.

To love someone means to want to learn everything about her.  You want
to find out why she laughs that way, why she tosses her head that way,
how she got to be so smart, so sensitive, so intuitive...

To love someone is to have things in common with her.  Yes, it can even
be Moebius Syndrome.  In a way, what better thing to have in common-to
know something about what you both have, where you've been, who you are.
Moebius Syndrome doesn't completely define us.  But it is a part of us.
It's nothing to be afraid of.  Instead it brings you closer together.

To love someone means to want the same things; to like the same things;
to be so in tune that you're thinking of the same things at the same
time.  You finish each other's sentences, their thoughts, their words.
You both like the old singing group the Carpenters.  You both like to
sleep in.  Your e-mails to each other cross in mid-air.

You want to meet her family.  You want to meet her friends.  And she
wants to meet yours!

It's about unity...

It's about giving, and giving back...

It's about wanting to be together...

I've always suspected that we, as persons with Moebius Syndrome, knew
something about all of those things.  Life, and experiencing life, is
important to us.  Friends are important.  Loving is important to us.  We
know that there are supposedly "normal" people who have a harder time
with love; who have a hard time, that is, when it comes to persons who
look different or sound different.  They have a hard time being around
us.  We make them uncomfortable, somehow. 

We so appreciate those who don't have that kind of a hard time.  Who are
accepting.  We know not everyone is.  We appreciate those who are.

We know life can be hard.  We appreciate it when it isn't.

Life can include love.  

One of the best-known stories, memorialized forever in a song popular
around the holidays, concerns a little drummer boy who hears of the
birth of a new king.  And so he wants to go with those who are bringing
gifts to him.

But the boy has a problem.  He wants to give this new king a gift, too.
But he has no gift to bring.  What could he do?

In the end, he gave him what he could-in his case, his talent at
playing.  He played his drum for him.

The baby king smiled for him.  For even though the boy thought he had
nothing, he'd given what he could.    And that's the greatest gift of
all.

That, it seems to me, has a lot to do with what love is all about.
Giving to another.  Giving all you can.  Because you want to. 

You have to be willing to give.  You have to be open to receiving, too.

This is a way to love.  It's also the way to let love in, which is
important too. 

For all of us, whether we have Moebius Syndrome, or we don't, I do
believe this:  there's someone out there who loves you.  Always believe
that!

Kevin
ksmant@iusb.edu